Transcript of Cans Without Labels (Johnsonverse)


 * (Looney Tunes-style title cards showing George Liquor, Ernie and Slab, and Cigarettes the Cat appear.)
 * (Cut to the title card showing the name on can lids, then to the credits.)
 * (Cut to another card saying "The following animated cartoon picture is based on a true story", with "...only the names and species have been changed" fading in.)
 * (Fade to a dedication to Mike, Mary Lou, and Elizabeth Kricfalusi, with "and Mike Pataki" fading in below.)
 * (Fade in to the exterior of George's house. A car stops in front of it. Cut to George Liquor coming out of the car with various unmarked cans. He looks at the camera and says his catchphrase, with the words "GEORGE LIQUOR, AMERICAN" above him in red, white, and blue, respectively.)
 * George: Hello. I'm George Liquor, American.
 * (George kicks the car door shut, and walks into the door. Cut to Ernie and Slab playing a video game.)
 * Slab: Ha ha! You're gonna lose!
 * Ernie: No, you are!
 * George (o/s): Ernie! Slab! I'm home!
 * Ernie and Slab: Okay, Uncle George!
 * (The two turn off their console and walk to the dinner table. Cut to George walking up the stairs, then to him putting all the cans on the table. Ernie and Slab run to their seats.)
 * Slab: What's with all the cans, Uncle George?
 * Ernie: Yeah. What's in them?
 * (Cut to a closeup of George)
 * George: This is a lesson on frugality, boys.
 * (Cut to George showing the cans)
 * George: These here are cans without labels.
 * (Cut back to George)
 * George: I buy' em cheap!
 * (Cut to Ernie and Slab, looking at each other)
 * George (o/s): Five, ten cents each! Ya gotta learn to save a buck here in this world!
 * (Cut to George)
 * George: Somebody's gotta plan for the future!
 * (Cut to Ernie and Slab sticking their tongues out, then to a shot showing George from behind)
 * George: I might have to put you through reform school one day.
 * (Cut to Ernie and Slab, who look at each other, and then shrug, then to George handing the can to them)
 * Slab: Well, how do you know what's in the can?
 * (Cut to Liquor rolling his eyes, then grabbing the can)
 * George: Each can gives you clues. I got it down to a science.
 * (Cut to Ernie and Slab's reflection from the can, then to George holding it)
 * George: Lookie here. Hmm, let's see now... This one's got a gold lid... Two rings in it, and three rings around the middle. And now, the slosh test.
 * (George shakes the can. Ernie and Slab are biting their nails as George thinks. George finds out what's in the can)
 * George: Bingo! It's beef stew!
 * Ernie and Slab: We love beef stew, Uncle George!
 * George: All right. Here's the rule: once we open this can...
 * (Fade to a closeup of George's face)
 * George: ...we have to eat whatever's... in it...
 * (Ernie and Slab are excited. George opens the can.)
 * George: Dig in, kids.
 * (Ernie grabs the can, and doesn't like what he sees)
 * Ernie: Aah!
 * George: What's wrong? It's beef stew, isn't it?
 * Ernie: Look... Uncle George...
 * (Cut to a closeup of the contents: a human face, which has a lot of visceral detail. George looks at it, then to the camera.)
 * George: Well, I guess we're having a FACE for lunch!
 * (Ernie and Slab try to run away)
 * Slab: No, no, no, no, no!
 * (George grabs them)
 * George: Get back here! Sit down and eat your face!
 * Ernie and Slab: But we don't want to eat a face, Uncle George!
 * George: I don't get it. What's wrong with the face? Perfectly good face. You should look that good. Do you know how many starving African babies would kill to have a nice face like this, do ya?