We’re Cool! (Johnsonverse)

We’re Cool! is the name of an advertising campaign used by WBC from 1982-1984. The campaign was designed to promote their respective lineups, and to introduce WBC’s rebrand to JTV and its new mascots, The Radicals. It was written by Johnson Industries' then-owner, Phil Stacker, and performed by Jason Carmichael as Den.

The campaign
In 1982,

Lyrics
''J, T, V! We’re cool! (spoken) Yeah!''

''Coolness is our motto We’re radical, dude! Our new identity Will be attitude!''

''(spoken) In other words, this is what we tout. That it’s the baddest network there is, and it’s totally far out.''

''J, T, V! We’re cool! (spoken) Totally!''

From Chocodile To the rails And with a bit of luck Some awesome tales

''J, T, V! We’re cool! (spoken) Exquisite!''

We got so much style You won’t have a cow Instead, you’ll feel A huge, huge pow!

''J, T, V! We’re cool! (spoken) Gnarly!''

Sports and games Sitcoms and soaps JTV is always there With rockin’ quality we can boast

''J, T, V! We’re cool! (spoken) Word!''

Just be watching us We’re no longer WBC Great things to come So come to JTV

(spoken) Yeah!

“We’re Lame!” parody
The moves (and failures) of JTV under Phil Stacker’s management generated a feeling of embarrassment among many of the network’s employees; a few inside staffers composed an alternative jingle to express their disappointment.

Carmichael was brought in to record the jingle, and the same studio was used. The parody jingle was sent to various JTV affiliates across the country. Stacker himself was furious, and he ordered every copy of the jingle destroyed; many copies still survive, however, and WBC uploaded the jingle on June 1, 2011 (thirty years to the day when Stacker bought the company). It was also performed by Carmichael during a 1983 episode of Saturday Night Live.

Lyrics
''J, T, V! We’re lame! (spoken) Yeah!''

Ever since Phil came Our ratings badly turned Now we’re in last place And we’ve crashed and burned

''(spoken) But who cares if it’s not the best? We’re still very proud nonetheless.''

''J, T, V! We’re lame! (spoken) Filled with turkeys!''

A 10 rating, And an 8 share, You’d feel sorry But we don’t care!

''J, T, V! We’re lame! (spoken) No duh!''

We’re stuck in the past And we’re screwing away Effort is worth nothing anymore The network’s seen better days

''J, T, V! We’re lame! (spoken) Barf us out!''

Cheesy broadcasting And boring shows Quality is thrown Out the window

''J, T, V! We’re lame! (spoken) Word!''

Don’t even bother watching us JTV is dead So thank you, Stacker Now we’re brown bread

(spoken) Yeah!