May 2019 showtape (Chuck E. Cheese's) (Johnsonverse)

Played at Chuck E. Cheese's in May 2019.

Voice cast

 * Duncan Brannan as Chuck E. Cheese and Bird
 * Jaret Reddick as Crusty the Cat
 * Caroline Richardson as Helen Henny and Sunflower Warblette
 * Jeremy Blaido as Jasper T. Jowls
 * Chris Hill as Mr. Munch
 * Earl Fisher as Pasqually P. Pieplate and Justin Beaver
 * Joe Leahy as Mr. Announcer
 * Tim Dever as Pizzacam
 * Stephanie Nadolny as Sun
 * John Bowen as Moon
 * Kate Bristol as Bluebell Warblette
 * Taylor Fono as Rose Warblette
 * April Ann Reese as Mrs. Feline (voice)
 * Shelby Lindley as Mugi Kotobuki
 * Cassandra Lee Morris as Ritsu Tainaka (offscreen, high-pitched)
 * Cristina Valenzuela as Mio Akiyama (offscreen, high-pitched)
 * Kevin Michael Richardson as Azusa Nakano (offscreen)
 * Xanthe Huynh as Ui Hirasawa (offscreen, high-pitched)
 * Aaron Fechter as Earl Schmerle (offscreen)

Live actors

 * Jason Johnson as Fab Feline
 * Jennifer Kersey as Mrs. Feline (body)
 * Jeremy Blaido as Garrick Wilde
 * Jessica R. Salazar as Jessica
 * Connor Dean as Buford
 * Erik Estrada as himself
 * Vivica A. Fox as herself
 * Lou Ferrigno as himself
 * Cynthia Rothrock as herself
 * Tyler Millard as Mumkey Jones

Plot
During the skits, Chuck E., Crusty, and Munch's Make-Believe Band are intruded by Fab Feline, who spills helium all over the stage after the first song, causing their voices to go high-pitched, as well as ding-dong-ditching Crusty in an intermission.

Segment 1

 * Crusty: From Chuck E. Cheese's, it's showtime! This is Crusty the Cat inviting you to join Pasqually P. Pieplate, Jasper T. Jowls, Mr. Munch, Helen Henny, and Big C himself, Chuck E. Cheese!
 * (The curtains open, and the band performs "Holding Out for a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler)
 * Chuck E.: Thank you, everyone! And thank you, Crusty! Welcome to Chuck E. Cheese's, where a kid can be a kid. Today's show will be about--
 * (The Cyberstar monitors display static)
 * Jasper: What's going on?
 * Pasqually: What's happening-a?
 * Helen: Hopefully it's just a visitor.
 * Munch: Or a pizza delivery guy!
 * Entire band: MUNCH!
 * (The monitor reveals the name Fab Feline, a bright yellow feline whose costume resembles a fursuit, in Comic Sans. He appears on Stage Left, using a Steve Waters animatronic; his stage is littered with poorly-made posters and merchandise of himself stating how "cool" he supposedly is)
 * Fab Feline: Hey, everybody! It's me, your old pal Fab Feline! Yaaaaaay! Ha ha ha!
 * Crusty: Excuse me, Fab, but you're not really a feline.
 * Jasper: Yeah, you're just some schmuck in a fursuit.
 * Crusty: And who puts their own name in Comic Sans? In 2001, maybe, but this is 2019!
 * Fab Feline: I got a groooooooovy surprise for you!
 * (A smoke effect is activated on Center Stage, Stage Left, and Crusty's stage, and everyone's voices except for Fab's go high-pitched as they scream)
 * Helen (high-pitched): What's happening?
 * Munch (high-pitched): Why is my voice sounding funny?
 * Crusty (high-pitched): Has to be helium. You inhale it, and it affects your voice.
 * Munch (high-pitched): Oh no!
 * Jasper (high-pitched): Wait, isn't helium supposed to affect the timbre, not the pitch?
 * Crusty (high-pitched): It's called cartoon physics, Jasper.
 * Fab Feline: Ha ha ha! Exquisite!
 * Pasqually (high-pitched): Why are you doing this?
 * Fab Feline: Just for kicks! Ya chicken?
 * Helen (high-pitched): (gasp) You better take it back!
 * Fab Feline: Too late! Ha ha ha! You guys are really mean and got no friends!
 * Crusty (high-pitched): That's rich!
 * Fab Feline: Fab Feline loves all kids! And babies too! HA HA HA!
 * (Fab Feline's curtain closes, and the monitors go back to showing the CEC TV logo)
 * Chuck E. (high-pitched): Well, folks, we're experiencing technical difficulties at the moment. We'll be back when our voices recover.

Intermission 1 (CEC TV News)

 * (The segment begins with the CEC TV News opening, showing a spinning globe)
 * Mr. Announcer: Spanning the globe...
 * (Cut to the CEC TV News intro, with clips from Munch's Make-Believe Band, The Rock-afire Explosion, and Ho-kago Tea Time performances in the background.)
 * Announcer: It's time for CEC TV News! Featuring newshound Jasper T. Jowls, plucky reporter Helen Henny, foreign correspondent Pasqually P. Pieplate...
 * Pasqually: Ciao! Heh heh!
 * Announcer: ...and Mr. Munch, taking care of the leftovers.
 * Mr. Munch: Did somebody say "chow"?
 * Announcer: Take it away, Chuck E. and Crusty!
 * (Chuck E. and Crusty appear at a news desk in puppet form)
 * Chuck E.: Thanks, Mr. Announcer! Hello, everybody! Welcome to CEC TV News.
 * Crusty: And as you've just noticed, our voices are all back to normal.
 * Chuck E.: Yep. In today's first story, a crazed maniac who goes by Fab Feline interrupted our show and spilled helium all over the stage! Not only that, but he also spilled helium all over the Rock-afire Explosion and Ho-kago Tea Time stages, and with the exception of Mugi, whose voice is impervious to helium, everyone else's voices, yours truly included, got high-pitched, making us all sound like elves, then munchkins, and then chipmunks.
 * Crusty: Here's what she had to say.
 * (Cut to Mugi, in animated form, sitting in the breakroom of a ShowBiz Pizza Place.)
 * Mugi: Don't ask me how I'm immune to the effects of helium. It's like how I'm immune to the common cold and am freakishly strong. I just learned to stop questioning it years ago.
 * Ritsu (off-screen, really high-pitched): Hey, Mio! You need some helium?
 * Mio (off-screen, really high-pitched): *sigh* Yes, I get it, Ritsu, there is A LOT of helium in the air!
 * Mugi: Yui's voice was already high-pitched to begin with, so the helium made her voice so high, only dogs can hear it. Sorry, Jasper and Dook. And Azusa? The helium had the opposite effect.
 * Azusa (off-screen, firing a pair of assault rifles for no discernible reason, voice of Kevin Michael Richardson): END OF DAYS, SUCKERS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
 * Mugi: Aaaaaand it's also changed her entire personality. And she somehow got access to Earl's gun collection. Please send help...
 * (Mugi walks away, holding her pizza)
 * Ui (off-screen, really high-pitched): Earl, since when did you keep a gun collection?! You know your arms don't work!
 * Earl (off-screen, normal voice): Since Rolfe threatened me with a power saw one too many times.
 * Ui (off-screen, really high-pitched): Wait, why are you unaffected?
 * Earl (off-screen, normal voice): I'm a puppet and therefore don't actually have vocal chords or internal organs.
 * Ui (off-screen, really high-pitched): Then how are you alive?!
 * Earl (off-screen, normal voice): I'm alive because reasons.
 * (Cut back to news studio.)
 * Chuck E.: Fortunately, nobody was hurt, and the helium was confined to the stages, so our guests and Cast Members' voices were completely unaffected by it.
 * Crusty: And here is Helen Henny with Fab's "mother", Mrs. Feline. Helen?
 * (Cut to Helen, in puppet form, interviewing Mrs. Feline, who looks just like Fab, but wearing a wig, lipstick, and a floral dress)
 * Helen: Thanks, Crusty. Now, Mrs. Feline, do you have any explanation for your son's actions?
 * Mrs. Feline: Well, Helen, my son can be a kind of a maniac.
 * Helen: "Kind of a maniac"? He spilled helium all over the stages!
 * Mrs. Feline: I'm trying to be nice to my son. Both of us are roleplay enthusiasts, so we wear these costumes every day, even in the shower or in the pool. We never take them off or even wash them.
 * Helen: Okay, um, not only did you reveal too much, but I think you got off-topic here. I want an actual explanation for your son's actions.
 * Mrs. Feline: Fab's actually a friend of mine. He's been like that since he was ten, and he's 32 now. And he's been jailed several times. I keep indulging in my fantasies and... and Garrick's such a saint. He's so nice, and he allows us to wear these costumes constantly.
 * Helen: What you've just seen, ladies and gentlemen, is an example of bad parenting crossed with deluded fantasies. This interview is over. Back to you, Chuck E.
 * (Cut back to Chuck E. and Crusty in the studio, shocked)
 * Chuck E.: Wow. Uh... that's a new one.
 * Crusty: Does...anyone wanna call the funny farm?
 * Chuck E.: Anyway, here's Jasper interviewing Fab's "father", Garrick Wilde.
 * (Cut to Jasper in puppet form interviewing Garrick, who's in live-action)
 * Jasper: Well, Chuck, I'm with Garrick in his house. He's a writer and director from Las Vegas. So, Garrick, what explanation do you have for Fab?
 * Garrick: It's real simple, Jasper. Um, um, Fab is my son. I write all kinds of stories around him, all based on real adventures. Here's my latest Fab Feline book, "Fab Feline Loves the Military", and it stars the "Fab Feline Jet" and retired "ko-loan-oh"...
 * Jasper: It's "kernel".
 * Garrick: ...Jon Sanders, is a star, he owns the only civilian-owned jet of its type, and it follows Fab Feline saving the kids from a terrorist attack and he gives them all these books. The kids love him. There's also this film, "Fab Feline is a Hero!", in which Fab stops the local bully Buford from harming the kids. He's also going to a parade and winning a writing contest. It has three celebrities in it.
 * Jasper: I see. And I heard you've written some novels. What are they about?
 * (Cut back to Chuck E. and Crusty in the studio)
 * Chuck E.: Unfortunately, we can't show the rest of the interview because it shows Garrick promoting inappropriate novels, which he's promoted on his website for years but still hasn't released, his "film" is really just some short films patched together loosely with some new content, and to put it mildly, refuses to take criticism.
 * Crusty: You know something's wrong when he can't even pronounce "Colonel" right.
 * Chuck E.: True. Now, here's our foreign correspondent Pasqually with Fab's friend, Jessica.
 * (Cut to Pasqually with Jessica)
 * Pasqually: Well, Chuck, I am here with Jessica right-a now. So, Jessica, how do you describe your relationship with Fab?
 * Jessica: Oh, that's easy. He loves me and he loves all the kids! He once suggested opening a message from a stranger with the hopes that we could win a whole bunch of money and travel all over the world! Just recently we harassed a bully and mocked him because he's the one kid Fab hates! Oh, and he makes this weird scratching-off gesture too. He went to this super-cool parade while the bully didn't! And we went to a movie star's house to have fun and he didn't! Buford, if you're watching, (Jessica points at the screen) ha ha ha!
 * (Pasqually groans and walks off. Cut back to Chuck E. and Crusty in the studio)
 * Crusty: What. The. Heck? First, helium, then creepy furries and now outright bullying? Okay, I've had enough.
 * Chuck E.: Same here. Join us next time, everyone, when we have hopefully less horrifying news.
 * (Chuck E. and Crusty walk away, and the CEC TV News logo reappears as the stage goes dark)
 * Mr. Announcer: This has been CEC TV News. Remember: don't judge furries. Except this bunch of creeps. Judge them all you want. God, I need a stiff drink...

Segment 2

 * Crusty: Wow. You know, Big C, this is probably our most bizarre show yet.
 * Chuck E.: I think "bizarre" is an understatement, Crusty. Helium, deranged furries, someone who shows off his chest hair and can't take criticism?
 * Jasper: And writes inappropriate novels while trying to pass off as a family-friendly, wholesome man? He even compared his Fab Feline character to Barney the Dinosaur, for cryin' out loud!
 * Crusty: For a dinosaur as creepy as Barney, he at least has some charisma. Fab makes him look like a Schwarzenegger character by comparison.
 * Fab (o/s): Well, thank you!
 * Helen: Fab? Where are you?
 * Fab (o/s): Over here!
 * (The Stage Right curtain opens, revealing Fab in his room with multiple helium tanks)
 * Munch: (gasp) Wh-what are you doing?
 * Fab: Doing what should've been done a long time ago!
 * Bluebell: What's going on?
 * Sunflower: What's happening?
 * Rose: Something wild, I'll bet.
 * Helen: Listen, fursuit guy, spilling helium all over the stage again isn't going to cut it!
 * Fab: My new plan is super gweat! Yaaaaay!!! Ha ha!
 * Pasqually: Ah! How do you manage-a to be so creepy and annoying-a? It doesn't make any sense!
 * Fab: Okay, you Italian, close our curtains so we can settle this!
 * (The Crusty Stage, Stage Right, and Center Stage curtains close, leaving Stage Left's curtain open)
 * Bird: What's with him?
 * Chuck E.: Trust me, Bird, you really don't wanna know.
 * (Sounds of cartoon punches and kicks are heard, with Fab screaming)
 * Fab (o/s): Aah! I'm being attacked! DADDY GARRICK! MOMMY! PLEASE HELP ME! IT'S NOT COOL TO... BULLY PEOPLE!
 * Crusty (o/s): You really need to get some help, man.
 * Jasper (o/s): You can start by not spilling helium on our stages.
 * (The other curtains reopen)
 * Crusty: Sorry about that, everyone, you can keep on eating.
 * Jasper: From now on, we need to settle differences on the street, not behind a curtain.
 * Helen: At least it wasn't on stage though. Look what happened when Ritsu beat up Rolfe while guests were watching.
 * Pizzacam: That must've been super messy.
 * Munch: That's an understatement.
 * Chuck E.: Guys, before we go around causing chaos, here's a song about

Intermission 2 (The Crusty Show)

 * (The Crusty Show intro plays)
 * Crusty: My name is Crusty And this is my house Meet my family And my new spouse

Intermission 3 (Helen Henny's Hollywood)

 * (The Helen Henny's Hollywood intro plays)
 * Chuck E. (o/s): It's time again for the chicken who's checking out the stars, Helen Henny's Hollywood!
 * (Fade to the studio, where Helen's sitting on a chair)
 * Helen: Hello and welcome! I'm sitting here with someone you kids may not recognize, but you adults may. I'm here with Erik Estrada and Vivica A. Fox. Erik starred in the 1970s sitcom CHiPs as Officer Frank "Ponch" Poncherello, and Vivica is an actress who's been in works such as Kill Bill.

Trivia

 * Fab Feline, Mrs. Feline, Garrick Wilde, Jessica, and Buford are unflattering parodies of Cool Cat, Momma Cat, Daddy Derek, Maria, and Butch from Derek Savage's Cool Cat franchise, with all characters except for Garrick portrayed by the original actors from the film Cool Cat Saves the Kids, as well as Erik Estrada, Vivica A. Fox, Cynthia Rothrock (who had all worked on Cool Cat), and Tyler Millard (in-character as Mumkey Jones, who was going to star in Savage's film Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting) making cameo appearances.
 * Azusa's line "END OF DAYS, SUCKERS!" is a reference to the American Dad! episode "Hurricane!", with Kevin Michael Richardson voicing Azusa. The word "b****es" from the original line was changed to "suckers".