Chuck E. Cheese's Birthday Show 2017 transcript (Johnsonverse)

The 2017 birthday show at Chuck E. Cheese's was the first Birthday show to act as a crossover of all three of the main bands in the ShowBiz Pizza Time family: Munch's Make-Believe Band, The Rock-afire Explosion, and Ho-kago Tea Time. It was created in celebration of the 40th anniversary of the Chuck E. Cheese's brand.

Voice cast

 * Jaret Reddick as Chuck E. Cheese
 * Duncan Brannan as Crusty the Cat and Larry the Technician
 * Jeremy Blaido as Jasper T. Jowls
 * Caroline Richardson as Helen Henny and Harmony Howlette (howling)
 * Chris Hill as Mr. Munch
 * Earl Fisher as Pasqually P. Pieplate
 * Lee Ann Womack as Harmony Howlette
 * Aaron Fechter as Billy Bob, Looney Bird, Rolfe DeWolfe, and Earl Schmerle
 * Burt Wilson as Fatz Geronimo
 * Duke Chauppetta as Dook LaRue
 * Cassandra Lee Morris as Ritsu Tainaka
 * Cristina Valenzuela as Mio Akiyama
 * Stephanie Sheh as Yui Hirasawa
 * Tara Strong as Jenny G. Denver
 * Alanna Ubach as Makayla Gómez
 * Michelle Ruff as Rei Ayanami
 * Trina Nishimura as Mari Makinami (offscreen)
 * Dana Snyder as Chocodile
 * Bret Iwan as Mickey Mouse (hand only)
 * Eli Gold as himself (archive audio)

Live actors

 * Eric Neal as Steve Waters
 * Jeremy Blaido as Employee Who Misappropriates Steve's Style

Transcript
* - This line was added when the show was played at the Kooser Road location in San Jose, California.


 * Crusty: Hey, everyone! I'm Crusty the Cat, and today's show will be dedicated to the birthday kid or birthday kids in the building! Let the countdown begin!
 * (Show starts with a countdown starting at 5 minutes and 30 seconds on Cyberstar. At T-5:12, Steve Waters appears)
 * Steve Waters: Hey, guys, I'm Steve Waters, Vocal Coach and Resident Cool Dude! It's almost time for your Chuck E. Cheese's birthday! If you're here for a birthday, please return to your table, dudes! The show starts in just five gnarly minutes! This is one show you won't wanna miss!
 * (Countdown continues. At T-4:17, Rolfe DeWolfe and Earl Schmerle appear)
 * Rolfe: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Rolfe DeWolfe! Yes, that's right, the world-famous Rolfe DeWolfe!
 * Earl: You're only famous on the internet, and that's not a very high bar!
 * Rolfe: Shush, Earl! Can't you see I'm about to host a birthday show that's starting right now?
 * Earl: Your timekeeping is as terrible as your sense of humor, ya dunderhead! The show's four minutes away, and Chuck E. Cheese is hosting, not you!
 * Rolfe: Well, why didn't anyone tell me?!
 * Earl: You were told MULTIPLE times! Jeez, you do this, like, eight times per day, per store!
 * Rolfe: You know, Earl, if I wanted someone to read me the riot act, I'd go to one of the stores in the Japanese States.
 * Earl: Oh, that reminds me, when we're done, I'm gonna need you to hand me back to Good Rolfe.
 * Rolfe: Good Rolfe?!
 * Earl: Yeah, that's what I call my co-star at the Japanese States stores.
 * Rolfe: I think her name is Ui, Earl.
 * Earl: Well, whoop-dee-freakin'-doo! When did you become a weeb?
 * Rolfe: This conversation is over, Earl!
 * Earl: Well, good! Proceed with the countdown!
 * (Countdown continues. At T-3:07, a generic Chuck E. Cheese's employee appears.)
 * Employee: Hey, birthday stars! Your really radical, super awesome, totally tubular birthday show begins in just three minutes! You don't wanna miss it! It's gonna blow! Your! Mind! Haha!
 * Steve Waters (o/s): Dude, are you, like, misappropriating my style?
 * Employee: Oh, come on, it's not like you trademarked surfer culture!
 * Earl (o/s): As long as you're not misappropriating Rolfe's broken style, I say go for it!
 * Rolfe (o/s): Earl, don't encourage him! Don't you know copyright infringement is a very serious crime?
 * Earl (o/s): Not as bad as what you said about Mio, that's for sure!
 * Rolfe (o/s): Are you STILL on about that? Wasn't seeing me get beaten up by a girl enough satisfaction for you?
 * Crusty: Shut up, you two, or you can find some work elsewhere.
 * (Countdown continues. At T-2:15, static appears on the screen and Rei Ayanami appears, seated in a La-Z-Boy.)
 * Rei: Hey, it's me. I was bored, so I decided to hijack a random frequency that wasn't NBC for once. Hey, Mari, which frequency am I on?
 * Mari (o/s): You're...on a Chuck E. Cheese's Cyberstar system. Apparently, a birthday show is starting in two minutes.
 * Rei: WHAT?! CUT THE FEED, CUT THE FEED!
 * (Feed cuts to Hills Beach, Louisiana, where Jenny and Makayla are seen reading a debriefing report from their last mission. They notice that they're being watched.)
 * Jenny: Ugh, Rei, how many times have I told you NOT to redirect feeds to our HQ when you botch a hijacking?
 * Makayla: This is, like, the sixth time this month! We're busy!
 * Jenny: Ronnie, redirect the feed elsewhere!
 * (Feed cuts to Chocodile in his living room, where he's watching TV. The sounds of NASCAR stock cars and announcers are heard, taken from the 2016 Tennessee Lottery 250 at Nashville Superspeedway.)
 * Chocodile: What? Were you expecting me to do something, I dunno, wacky? I'm a normal guy with normal needs! And I NEED to watch some TNN!
 * (Feed cuts back to countdown. At T-57 seconds, Steve Waters appears again.)
 * Steve Waters: Hey, dudes, Steve Waters here again! The show's about to begin! Are you all ready? (beat) I'm just gonna pretend you all said yes, because this was recorded, like, last November. I'm not actually here! But, because corporate says I have to make sure you're all paying attention and not looking at your phones, I want you all to raise your right hand! Nice, little dudes! Now, raise your left hand! (beat) You're really good at this! Now, pat your head and rub your tummy! (beat) HA! I can't believe you, like, actually did that! Chuck E. Cheese will be here in less than half a minute! Now before he comes out, we have to show him that you are ready! So, are you little dudes ready? (beat) Still can't hear you, but that canned applause says you may not be fully ready, so let's, like, try this again. ARE YOU READY? (beat) In the words of my personal heroes Bill and Ted, most excellent! Let's get this party started, my dudes! If you're ready to see Chuck E. Cheese, shout along with me!
 * (Steve leads a chant of "Chuck E. Cheese".)
 * Steve Waters: The time has come, dudes! Your favorite mouse--(Mickey Mouse punches Steve from offscreen, with only his hand being shown) uh...second-favorite mouse...
 * Mickey (o/s): That's better. Ha-ha!
 * Steve Waters: ...is about to enter the building!
 * Crusty: Make some noise and raise the roof for Big C himself...CHUCK! E! CHEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!!!
 * (A walkaround version of Chuck E. enters. By this time, Chuck E.'s curtain on the Rockstar and 2-Stage should be closed, and his animatronic turned around on the 1-Stage, to preserve the illusion that he has come off the stage.)
 * Chuck E.: Thank you! Thank you! What an introduction! Thank you, Crusty and Steve Waters! You guys are awesome! Welcome to Chuck E. Cheese's, Birthday Capitol of the Universe! I know my name and face are on the building, but today, I am NOT the star of the show!
 * Crusty: Nope! The star of the show today is our very special birthday stars!
 * Chuck E.: That's right! Okay, party hosts, introduce us to the stars of the show!
 * (Chuck E. Cheese's employees with a microphone introduce the day's birthday kids.)
 * Crusty: Alright! Great to meet you guys!
 * Chuck E.: Now, everybody make some noise for our very special birthday stars!
 * (Cheering sounds are heard. Suddenly, Jasper and Helen, in puppet form, appear on the center Cyberstar monitor.)
 * Helen: Uh, excuse me, Chuck E.
 * Chuck E.: Oh, hi, Helen. Hey, Jasper.
 * Helen: I hate to interrupt, but I think we have a problem.
 * Jasper: Yeah, things aren't lookin' good, boss.
 * (Lights in the showroom flash and go out.)
 * Chuck E.: Oh, no! What happened?!
 * Jasper: Well, Chuck, as you know, Chuck E. Cheese's is powered by the amount of fun going on in here. But from the looks of the birthday fun tank, I think we could use a lot more fun.
 * Crusty: (facepalms) Not this angle again.
 * Chuck E.: What are we gonna do?!
 * Looney Bird (o/s): For one, we're gonna STOP this bull!
 * (Looney Bird appears on the left monitor with a static effect.)
 * Crusty: What's with these unexpected visitors and hijacked feeds lately?
 * Chuck E.: Looney Bird? How did you get in here?
 * Looney Bird: That doesn't matter! What matters is that fun is NOT a valid energy source!
 * Chuck E.: Well, of course it is, Looney Bird! Fun makes the world go--
 * Looney Bird: SPARE ME THE CORPORATE SHILLING! The idea of a restaurant being powered by fun is the worst marketing angle I've ever heard since "Catch the Wave"! And I was one of the people unlucky enough to taste New Coke! I was drinking Gasahol all night to wash the taste out!
 * Crusty: Finally! At least someone here gets it!
 * Chuck E.: Well, then, if it's not an issue with fun, then what is it?
 * Looney Bird: Obviously, there's an electrical problem. I've got several highly-trained teams looking into it.
 * (Smash cut to Dook and Fatz, in their animated forms in long shots and as animatronics in close-ups, looking at an electrical box in the arcade area.)
 * Fatz: Dook, since when did you become an electrician?
 * Dook: Oh, I'm not. I just wanted to feel included. I'm just making stuff up as I go alo--AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
 * (Dook gets electrocuted, but it restores power to the arcade. Dook is lying on the grounded blackened and smoldering, but none the worse for wear.)
 * Dook: (coughs) You'd be surprised what you can live through!
 * Fatz: (flatly) I am so glad we're immune to logic...uh, arcade's back on, Looney Bird...I think.
 * (Larry the Technician walks in and sees Fatz and Dook)
 * Larry: Tsk tsk tsk. I'll handle this.
 * Chuck E.: Highly-trained teams, eh, Looney Bird?
 * Looney Bird: Hey, it worked!
 * Crusty: I'd hate to see who else you shanghaied into your electrical suicide pact.
 * (Smash cut to the back of the building, on a still shot of an electrical box.)
 * Mio: (o/s): Why do I let you talk me into these things?
 * (Cut to Ritsu and Mio in animated form, who are looking at the box.)
 * Ritsu: Relax, Mio! We're gonna get paid big money for this!
 * Mio: Ritsu, you don't even know the FIRST thing about electrical work! Remember when you tried plugging in a lamp in a London hotel room without a transformer?
 * Ritsu: Remember when I defended your honor against Rolfe and kicked his rear-end?
 * Mio: ...touché, Ritsu. Touché. Anyway, how do you plan to fix this?
 * Ritsu: Ah, watch and learn.
 * (Ritsu kicks the box. The door on the box opens, and a pizza slice falls out. Mr. Munch, in puppet form, walks up.)
 * Mr. Munch: Oh, so THERE'S where I left that slice from my 8 a.m. pizza! Thanks, girls!
 * Mio: You left food in an essential piece of infrastructure?
 * Mr. Munch: I thought it was a crisper.
 * Ritsu: Wow. You make Yui look like a Harvard professor by comparison.
 * Mio: Even you wouldn't be that stupid, Ritsu.
 * Ritsu: Yeah, I--HEY!
 * Mio: That was supposed to be a compliment! I-I'm sorry if it came off as an insult! I'm just saying Mr. Munch is as dumb as a rock compared to you and Yui combined!
 * Ritsu: I think it's a good thing Munch is too busy with that pizza to notice us insulting him behind his back.
 * (Pasqually and Harmony appear in puppet form on the right Cyberstar monitor.)
 * Pasqually and Harmony: Hi, Chuck E.!
 * Chuck E.: Well, if it isn't Pasqually and Harmony! Hi, guys! How are you!
 * Pasqually: We're doing-a great, Chuck E.! And I just wanted to tell you that it's-a time to teach-a everyone the Chuck E. Cheese's-a Birthday-a Song! (giggles)
 * Harmony: *howls in excitement* I just came here 'cause I wanted to.
 * (Looney Bird reappears on the left Cyberstar monitor.)
 * Looney Bird: Can't we just sing Sal's Birthday?
 * Chuck E.: Looney Bird, I think you've interfered in this birthday celebration enough, don't you think? I mean, Dook nearly got killed, and now Munch is eating sidewalk pizza!
 * Looney Bird: How is that last part a problem?
 * Chuck E.: Eh, good point. But this is Chuck E. Cheese's, not ShowBiz Pizza Place! Besides, it's not just their birthdays today!
 * Jasper: Whaddaya mean, Chuck E.?
 * Chuck E.: 2017 marks the 40th anniversary of Chuck E. Cheese's. Ever since the first location opened in San Jose, California, we've been spreading fun and joy wherever we go!
 * Crusty: Whether as the Pizza Time Players or Munch's Make-Believe Band, we've always had one goal in mind: to make children smile. And that, folks, is why we're celebrating 40 Years of Fun!
 * Pasqually: Say, whatever happened to that first location?
 * Harmony: I think that whole area gentrified in the early 2000s.
 * Crusty: Yep. Oldest location right now is on Kooser Road. Second location built.
 * Chuck E.: We're at the Kooser Road location right now!*
 * Jasper: That's true!
 * Chuck E.: Anyway, some of you may have heard the Chuck E. Cheese Birthday Song before.
 * Crusty: But for those of you who haven't, we're gonna teach it to you right now.
 * Jasper: Uh, I hate to be a bother, but we're kinda running short on time.
 * Chuck E.: Really? Aw, man! Guess we can't do the Birthday Song, then.
 * (Billy Bob appears on the left Cyberstar monitor.)
 * Billy Bob: Now, hold on there, Chuck E. and Crusty! I have an idea!
 * Crusty: It has to be better than Looney Bird's.
 * Billy Bob: Let's sing the Birthday Medley!
 * Chuck E.: That's an excellent idea, Billy Bob! The three bands can take turns singing! This way, the Birthday Stars will get a song, and we can celebrate all three parts of the ShowBiz Pizza Time family as part of our 40 Years of Fun celebration! Alright, everyone, let's do this!
 * (Lights dim, and Chuck E. quickly runs back to the breakroom, and in 1-Stages, the Chuck E. animatronic is rotated back into position. "Happy Birthday Medley" plays, with Chuck E. singing the "Sixteen Candles" parody and Dook singing the "Please, Mr. Postman" parody, using a new recording. The Rock-afire characters appear on the left monitor, and the Ho-kago Tea Time characters appear on the right.)
 * Dook: Greetings, Birthday Stars, I'm Dook LaRue, and at this time, I'd like to bring out our birthday host himself, Chuck E. Cheese!
 * Chuck E.: Thanks, Dook. You know, folks, even when things don't quite go to plan, that doesn't mean everything is lost. I had a whole birthday celebration planned, but it all went off the rails. But we're all here now, celebrating not just 40 Years of Fun, but the special days of our Birthday Stars!
 * Fatz: We're havin' a party
 * Helen: Don't you like to party too-oo?
 * Jasper: Aren't ya itchin' to get started?
 * Dook: It's time to sing away the blue-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oos!
 * Billy Bob: We want you all to gather 'round and celebrate our happy sound
 * Billy Bob and Looney Bird: Just let the music take you right along!
 * Billy Bob: C'mon, everybody, join me and the Looney Bird!
 * Everyone: Come on, come on, come on, come on, we're havin' a party!
 * Mr. Munch: Pass the pizza!
 * Everyone: Come on, come on, come on, come on, we're havin' a party! Everybody clap your hands, just join right in, sing with the band, everybody sing along! Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you!
 * (Chuck E.'s curtain on the Rockstar and 2-Stages closes, and on the 1-Stage, he rotates back to hidden position. The walkaround Chuck E. comes back out of the breakroom or from behind the curtain.)
 * Chuck E.: Wow! Excellent singing everyone! Way to blow out those candles, Birthday Stars! You blew my mind! Hahahaha! Well, this has been a blast! I'd better check that Munch isn't putting any more pizza where it doesn't belong, heh heh! But before I go, Billy Bob and I will be comin' around to grab a picture or two, so make sure you got those smiles ready! Hahahaha! From all of us here at ShowBiz Pizza Time Incorporated, and the Johnson Industries family of companies...
 * All of MMBB: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
 * (Yui appears on the center Cyberstar monitor in animated form.)
 * Yui: Hey...it's me. The other guy who usually does these announcements stepped out to get something. I think he left something in his car. Anyway, I've heard the spiel enough times to know what to say. (clears throat) Thanks for coming out to Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate your birthday! Stick around, because the fun is far from over! Chuck E. and Billy Bob are gonna be hanging out, giving high-fives, hugs, and most importantly, they want to get their picture taken with you! Parents, share the fun! Be sure to hashtag your birthday photos and memories from today's visit at #ChuckECheese. I'm gonna assume that hashtag is below me (points to bottom of screen) right here. We'll share our favorites on the left and right monitors while the main show continues playing here on the center monitor, in addition to our live entertainment with Munch's Make Believe Band! And the fun doesn't have to stop here at Chuck E. Cheese's! Come on over to ShowBiz Pizza Place for more games, more food, and the Rock-afire Explosion! You might even see me and the other girls at certain ShowBiz locations! I'll be seein' ya! Bye now, and happy birthday! (Yui drops her cheery demeanor) Ugh! That was exhausting. How does that other guy do it? (Yui exits screen left) Mugi, pastry me!

Trivia

 * The events of the Japanese States Magic Night showtape are alluded to; namely the scene in which Rolfe is punched by Ritsu.