Speeches for Sheldon Johnson, Jr.'s 2020 campaign (Johnsonverse)

2017

 * January 21, 2017: "You may notice all those patriotic touches. The American flags, the lapel pin I'm wearing, yes, it's true. I'm running for President. You may be asking, 'The election doesn't come for another three years, so why are you running this early?'. Well, I'll tell you; it's so I can build up a huge voting base and save all of America from Trump's brainwashing by the time November 2020 comes along. One day into Trump's presidency, and he's crushing democracy like the trash compactor in Star Wars.

2018

 * March 19, 2018: "When I win the election, I'll put this country back together like a Lego tower. If George Washington was the builder, then Trump is the 3-year-old sister. If so, I'm the boy's best friend, and Craig is his brother. Trump's a neo-Soviet who only cares for power, money, and himself. The fact Kavanaugh might get confirmed, despite him taking advantage of women, proves that the Trump administration thinks the only thing women are good for is producing a new generation he can mold into emotionless soldiers more akin to robots who obey orders without question, have no individuality, and are ruthlessly efficient in Trump's ultimate goal: a world devoid of non-heterosexual, non-Christian, non-whites. Don't vote for the T. He's a very terrible man who, I'm willing to bet, is plotting to bring down our nation with his minions and build a Communist country in its stead. I bet he's even a Stalinist. When he dies, that's all people will ever remember him for, and not his real estate. Instead, vote for me. I'm willing to torpedo his plans and create a better America."
 * June 24, 2018: "I'm running for President for only one purpose: making sure America never becomes a fascist dictatorship, something Trump and Russia are making it. They're also trying to split my dear Chloe and Jenny apart, along with all homosexual and lesbian couples, and I won't take too kindly to that. They're trying to keep immigrants out of our country, which, by the way, is the land of the free, clearly knowing full well there are problems in their respective home countries. It's supposed to be the land of opportunity, not the land of screwing you over.. I will also try to make sure to introduce new amendments into the Constitution, including those in the book Six Amendments: How and Why We Should Change the Constitution. I've read the entire Constitution, unlike the man in the Oval Office whose name won't be mentioned, and I will make sure this country climbs back to the top, rebuilding the American Dream!"