March-April 2016 showtape (Japanese Isles) (Johnsonverse)

This is the transcript for the ShowBiz Pizza Place Japan March-April 2016 showtape.

Skits

 * Aaron Fechter as Billy Bob, Looney Bird, Rolfe DeWolfe, Earl Schmerle, and Announcer
 * Stephanie Sheh as Yui Hirasawa
 * Cristina Valenzuela as Mio Akiyama
 * Cassandra Lee Morris as Ritsu Tainaka
 * Shelby Lindley as Tsumugi "Mugi" Kotobuki
 * Random ShowBiz cast members as Chef

Segment 1

 * Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present to you Ho-kago Tea Time!
 * (The curtains open, and Ho-kago Tea Time performs "Welcome In" from the Spring 1982 show)
 * Mugi: Yeah! Welcome to ShowBiz Pizza Place!

Segment 6

 * Billy Bob: Howdy folks. Well, we had a request to slow things down a bit, so I'd like to invite y'all to sit back and relax, enjoy yourself, maybe set your feet up on the table. But don't set your feet in your neighbor's pizza! Just enjoy. A little reverb, please.
 * (Billy Bob begins singing "Feelings" by Morris Albert)
 * Billy Bob: Feelings-- A little more reverb. Nothing more than feelings-- Perfect. Trying to forget my feelings of love Teardrops rolling down on my face Trying to forget my feelings of love Feelings--
 * (Looney Bird squawks loudly, before clearing his throat)
 * Looney Bird: Oh..... sorry.
 * (Billy Bob continues singing "Feelings")
 * Billy Bob: Feelings, for all--
 * (Looney Bird yells loudly)
 * Billy Bob: Looney Bird, what's wrong?
 * Looney Bird: Oh, nothing, Billy Bob. Um, nothin-nothing at all. Ex..except THAT I HATE THAT SONG!
 * Billy Bob: Oh, I'm sorry, Looney Bird. I didn't mean to pick one you didn't like. I'll tell you what, I'll pick a different song, okay?
 * Looney Bird: Okay, Billy Bob!
 * Billy Bob: Here's a song that was number one longer than any other song in the history of music, "You Light Up My Life". With reverb.
 * (Billy Bob begins playing "You Light Up My Life" by Debby Boone)
 * Billy Bob: So many nights I'd sit by my window Waiting for someone to sing me his song So many dreams I kept deep inside me Alone in the dark, but now you've come along And you light up my life You give me ho--
 * (Billy Bob is interrupted by the radio, which stops after a brief moment)
 * Looney Bird: Carry on.
 * (Billy Bob continues singing "You Light Up My Life")
 * Billy Bob: ...to carry on--
 * (Once again, Billy Bob is interrupted by the radio, which plays "(I Can't Have No) Satisfaction" by Mick Jagger)
 * Billy Bob: Looney Bird, I can't sing this song if you're gonna play a radio!
 * Looney Bird: What?
 * Billy Bob: I said I can't sing this song if you're gonna play a radio!
 * Looney Bird: WHAT, BILLY BOB?
 * Billy Bob: I SAID I CAN'T SING THIS SONG--
 * Looney Bird: Well, I wish you wouldn't!
 * Billy Bob: Well, what's the matter, Looney Bird?
 * Looney Bird: It's jus--nothing, Billy Bob. Nothing at all. EXCEPT THAT I HATE THAT SONG!
 * Billy Bob: Oh, Looney Bird, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I guess I picked a couple losers, huh?
 * Looney Bird: Well, I guess so!
 * Billy Bob: Aw, Looney Bird, I'm sorry. Look, I'll play something for you, okay? What would you like to hear?
 * Looney Bird: Rolling Stones! ROLLING STONES! I WANT SOME ROLLING STONES!
 * Billy Bob: Okay, Looney Bird, let's have some Rolling Stones in one, two, three, four!
 * (Billy Bob begins playing "(I Can't Have No) Satisfaction")
 * Billy Bob: Here's one by Mick Jagger. I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no satisfaction 'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try I can't get no, I can't get no-- satisfaction
 * (Billy Bob is interrupted by the radio, which plays "You Light Up My Life"; the radio gets increasingly loud to the point where eventually, Billy Bob and Looney Bird can barely be heard unless one listens closely enough)
 * Billy Bob: Looney Bird! Looney Bird! Looney Bird, come on back!
 * Looney Bird: What?
 * Billy Bob: Looney Bird, come on back just a minute, you're playing that radio again, I can't play this song if you're gonna play that radio!
 * Looney Bird: Sorry, Billy Bob!
 * Billy Bob: Looney Bird, look, I'm trying to play this song! I can't play this song over the radio, and this is the fourth time you've interrupted me! I'm trying to play this song!
 * Looney Bird: I like this song, Billy Bob!
 * Billy Bob: How many times are you gonna interrupt me before I get the--
 * Looney Bird: Ah...
 * Billy Bob: Okay, Looney Bird, I've had it with you, I'm gonna burn your feathers for this!
 * Looney Bird: Okay, Billy Bob!
 * Billy Bob: I'm not... I'm not gonna stand any more of this! How many times you gonna interrupt me?! Four times, three times, two times?!
 * Looney Bird: I don't know, two times!
 * Billy Bob: Okay, here comes!
 * Looney Bird: Oh, good, I--
 * Billy Bob: Look, I can play this in court twice at this point!
 * Looney Bird: I don't think so!
 * Billy Bob: Okay, if you don't give me a-a-a chance, I'm gonna-watch this, here it is!
 * Looney Bird: Okay, Billy Bob!
 * Billy Bob: Okay, I'm gonna do this! Nyeeeeh!
 * Looney Bird: Okay, Billy Bob!
 * ("You Light Up My Life" ends)

Segment 7

 * Billy Bob: Looney Bird? Looney Bird? I-I'd like to talk to you. I'm sorry I fussed at you a little while ago, Looney Bird. I'm only human, you know. Please talk to me! (Billy Bob begins to break down) You know you're my best friend, Looney Bird, and I promise I'll never yell at you again if you'll talk to me, Looney Bird! (Billy Bob cries) Please say you'll forgive me! (sniff)
 * (Looney Bird appears, with a slight microphone noise; all of the Ho-kago Tea Time members have varying reactions such as Mugi struggling not to crack up)
 * Looney Bird: I forgive you, Billy Bob.
 * Billy Bob: You do?
 * Looney Bird: Sure! You're my best friend!
 * Billy Bob: I am?
 * Looney Bird: Yeah! That's why I was teasing with ya!
 * Billy Bob: Oh, Looney Bird, that--
 * (A feedback sound is heard)
 * Billy Bob: What's that noise?
 * Looney Bird: I don't know!
 * Billy Bob: It sounds like feedback. Can't be feedback. Microphones aren't on. My microphone's not on, is it? Looney Bird, check your microphone. See if it's on.
 * Looney Bird: Okay, Billy Bob.
 * (Some sounds are heard)
 * Looney Bird: Um, Billy Bob, it's on!
 * Billy Bob: Oh, no!
 * (The band members struggle to avoid cracking up, among other reactions)
 * Ritsu: Who hasn't fallen for that?
 * Yui: Ha ha ha! Don't ask me!
 * Mugi: Someone always falls for the oldest trick in the book.
 * Looney Bird: Ha! Why do you gotta look stupid when the curtain's open and the girls are around? Ha ha! I'll be in my barrel!
 * Billy Bob: No, now you come back, Looney Bird. Don't leave me out here al--oh, hi, folks, uh, I guess y'all are kinda wonderin' what's goin' on and, I, uh, I- I- uh, well I uh, that is to say I, uh, and as much as I, I- I- uh, I-I'm gonna take a break, okay? (hears telephone ringing) uh, I hear the telephone ringing, I gotta go.
 * Ritsu: Rule number one: do not play with other people's emotions.

Trivia

 * Segments 6 and 7 were re-recorded with updated voices for Billy Bob and Looney Bird, whose voices sounded very different in the Spring 1982 showtape. In addition, the "Crying Skit" was reworked to add Center Stage, with the girls noticing that Billy Bob's microphone is on.