Speeches for Sheldon Johnson, Jr.'s 2020 campaign (Johnsonverse)

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2017

  • January 18, 2017: "You may notice all those patriotic touches. The American flags, the lapel pin I'm wearing, yes, it's true. I'm running for President. You may be asking, 'The election doesn't come for another three years, so why are you running this early?'. Well, I'll tell you; it's so I can build up a huge voting base and save all of America from Trump's brainwashing by the time November 2020 comes along. One day into Trump's presidency, and he's already breaking the ground for a new fascist state. I hope to be considered the savior of my country. By 'my', I of course mean 'our'. And obviously Vlad was the one who got Trump in office. That's corruption, if you ask me. I plan on becoming the best leader I can possibly be by restoring honesty, integrity, and dignity to America in a four-year plan. All in all, I'm just a simple man who doesn't want to see the good old U.S. of A be reduced to a puppet state that would eventually become part of a fascist dictatorship, and while I have the body of a rich man, deep down, I'm just a simple patriot. I hope to see you vote for me come 2020. Thank you all."

2018

  • June 24, 2018: "I'm running for President for only one purpose: to make sure America never becomes a fascist dictatorship, something Trump and Russia are making it. They're also trying to split my dear Chloe and Jenny apart, along with all homosexual and lesbian couples, and I won't take too kindly to that. They're trying to keep immigrants out of our country, which, by the way, is the land of the free, clearly knowing full well they wouldn't do well in respective home countries. It's supposed to be the land of opportunity, not the land of screwing you over. I've read the entire Constitution, unlike Trump, and I will make sure this country climbs back to the top, rebuilding the American Dream!"
  • October 24, 2018: "Me, Tim, and other Johnson people all got some crude pipe bombs either in the mail, or on the doorstep. Tim has every reason to believe that your beloved Donald Trump sent them to wipe out all opposition. It can't be a coincidence that Clinton, Obama, CNN, all of whom Trump hates, also got pipe bombs, and not even an extremely biased network like CNN deserves a bomb. He knows it'd be the only feasable way to win in 2020. I swear, when I plan the Tower of Freedom, I will paint him as the monster he is. He brought shame and humiliation to his family name and legacy for generations to come. It's sad to see this country moving backward into the dark ages of bigotry, homophobia and hate, with a possible country-wide reinstatement of a same-sex relationship ban. Trump's suppressing the progress transgenders made under Obama, and I plan on suppressing him. During his presidency, Trump ordered a bogus travel ban on citizens from several Muslim-majority countries, claiming it's because of security concerns. He signed tax cut legislation which also rescinded the individual insurance mandate provision of the Affordable Care Act and opened the Arctic Refuge for oil drilling. He enacted a partial repeal of the Dodd-Frank Act that had imposed stricter constraints on banks in the aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis, ensuring a second Great Depression will be on the horizon if you get him elected. He pursued his America First agenda in foreign policy, foolishly withdrawing the U.S. from the Trans-Pacific Partnership trade negotiations, the Paris Agreement on climate change, and the Iran nuclear deal. He recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, with the announcement permanently disqualifying the United States from any peace talks whatsoever, so we have absolutely little, if any, chance of maintaining peace with Palestine, while Hamas called for a new intifada. This 'recognition' is an illegal declaration. A true provocation, a war declaration to the Arab people, to the Muslim people, proving that Trump's Islamophoic, and that he's found his rightful place in history, right next to Stalin. Trump imposed import tariffs on various goods, triggering a trade war with North China. Now the Trump administration is considering narrowly defining gender as a biological condition determined by a person’s genitalia at birth. That's sick! I know, I'm going pundit. But it's natural. Do you want Trump to treat Obama like how Stalin treated Trotsky? Do you want Trump to make this country a Socialist state? Do you want Trump to make this a fascist police state? I know all of you fine people don't, and clearly I don't."

2019

2020

  • June 17, 2020 (Fort Worth, Texas): "We're in
  • October 30, 2020 (Orlando, Florida):
  • November 7, 2020 (San Jose, California; victory speech): "Thank you, people. Thank you. Now, being President has been a dream of mine since I was a boy, and when I started my campaign three years ago, I knew full well I'd take down that madman in office. Three years later, look what happened. We took Texas, Florida, Arizona, Georgia, hell, just about every single Republican stronghold we could take. My leadership even gave the Democrats enough confidence to take back the Senate and make huge gains in the House. This year, we had to deal with so, so many issues such as the rioting and looting that's happened since the summer, and especially the pandemic. But I promise you, friends, that we will all be united together in the end, and while Trump's saying the election was rigged, that won't stop me from uniting all of us. We're one. It doesn't matter what race, gender, sexuality, nationality, or creed we are. In my mind, none of that really matters, because we're all Americans. And we love America. By 2024, we will be one again, and not two separate nations that happen to have the same name, flag, anthem, pledge, capital, Constitution, everything, really. The Constitution will be defended, and so will the legacy created by our forefathers. America will be saved. Thank you all."

Quarantine rallies

  • April 7, 2020: "Even though I'm in quarantine, that hasn't stopped me from continuing my run. These quarantine rallies, as I call them, are being done so I can
  • June 2, 2020: "Now, while it's true that this pandemic is giving the illusion that humanity is hopeless, it couldn't be any farther from the truth.